#67 It's not normal.
28 July 2026
So my court trial started last week.
Words I never thought I’d ever say in my life.
I could already see my friends messaging me, not sure what to say. They want to be there for me, but they also don’t want to say the wrong thing.
“It’s ok, you can just ask me,” I say, knowingly.
“HOW ARE YOU OMGGGGG I WANNA CRY FOR YOU,” they burst out.
God bless them.
I mean, to be fair, even I wouldn’t know what to say to someone like me. I’d just make doa, really. There is literally nothing I can do right now. I can’t defend myself because it’ll be contempt of court if I speak about the details of the case. I can’t stop the media from reporting facts, even though without context. I can’t stop the public from discussing the facts reported, and I don’t blame them because they don’t have any context. The what is shared but the why isn’t. So this season is literally… sit down and watch people slander you, for however long the court case will be.
I mean, that is one hard season.
It feels like this:
“What you’re going through isn’t normal,” my best friends, comforting me in such a… unique way. 😂
Uh, thanksssss?
But they’re right.
It isn’t normal.
Let’s just call it out for what it is. It’s brutal and violating.
And cherry on top - extremely public too. Bank accounts of a private company, all laid out to laymen like you and me, all over the world. Without any context. Allowing people’s imaginations to go wild.
The court process is as such that prosecution has to lay out their case first and of course the juicy info gets singled out and everything else gets omitted. And nowhere in this process am I allowed to rebut or argue or defend myself with my own evidence. So if you see me not saying anything, please know that it’s because I’m legally not allowed to.
So yeah, not a normal life right now.
But what my best friends are doing is validating my feelings.
Which is nice.
Then they’ll continue with some words of wisdom, pulling me back to Allah swt and rallying me on to make sure I pass His test through patience and prayer.
Twice, Allah swt repeated the recipe to handling His tests in Surah Al-Baqarah:
“And seek help through patience and prayer. Indeed, it is a burden except for the humble.” - Quran, 2:45
“O believers! Seek comfort in patience and prayer. Allah is truly with those who are patient.” - Quran, 2:153
I really do appreciate all your kinds words. From my loved ones to my followers DM-ing me to give words of encouragement. For you who don’t know what to say to someone in this situation, here are some things people have said that really strengthened me:
“God chose you for a big test because He’s preparing you for something greater, you just don’t know it yet.” - many of you said this to me. 🤲🏻
“God tests the ones He loves, so worry when life’s too easy.” - my friend Laila gave me a good perspective. 😮
“You look nice in court today!” - always welcomed to say this, guys. 😌
“I’m sending over emotional-damage brownies!” - again, always welcomed. 🤤
And many more.
But one that I least expected was from my 11-year old Mariam. You know how savage she can be, from small until now, with her sarcastic remarks and eyerolls. We were eating roti canai when Fadza and I were updating Daniel and Mariam about our court trial, and what’s happening on social media.
While chomping on her roti canai, she said, “But you know right, Mom….”
She continued….