Free Fridays: Everything that went wrong with AVA Retreats.

12 September 2025

Do you ever face negativity in life? Or self-doubt?

20 years of practice on all the above, here's what I've concluded - no matter how hard you try, you cannot stop these things. It will keep coming.

So here's what you need to do instead - strengthen yourself.

I don’t mean the usual quick fixes - sleep, rant, exercise, holiday, massage... I’ve later learned that to strengthen yourself, it requires work on the mind, body and soul. Because all three need to be in a good state for you to be truly healthy and happy in life. Normal psychology = body and mind. But Islamic psychology = body, mind and soul. This was something I learned that stuck with me when I went for my friend Kaiyisah’s retreat with Dr Rania. We have to work on our soul, and that’s our connection to God.

But at the time of the lightbulb moment, I didn’t know all this.

My best friends took me for a birthday staycation last December – we were in a nice hotel, they really pampered me. They ordered dinner to the room because they knew I wasn’t ready to be in public.

It was a beautiful sight – except it was the setting of a very sad and humiliating time of my life. I was bawling my eyes out confiding in them as I always do. And I said “I wish there was a mental health retreat we could go to – at a nice place, but guided with a teacher to teach us how to get closer to God.” – not in those exact words. Even I can’t comprehend what I said in between my sobbing, but basically it was around this concept.

I’ve had many low moments throughout my career and overcame them, but the heart was never really fixed. I was just putting patches on every hurt, instead of focusing on strengthening my own self – so the hurt doesn’t hurt as much in the first place. It’s amazing how that strength has grown in me, ever since I ran back to my Creator. Sorry if I sound preachy, I just don’t have any other words to sugarcoat it - it’s really just that!

Suddenly, my best friends found themselves roped into the idea.

“We’ll call it AVA Retreats!!” I exclaimed.

That night, Asma’ turned to Ajjie. “Umm, we just had dinner and suddenly we have an events company now? How….?”

“Just play along. We’ll process this tomorrow…” Ajjie gritted through her teeth to Asma’.

Being best friends with me is an interesting roller coaster, I promise you that.

Turns out I was serious.

We launched Ramadhan Retreats in February last year with just a team of 3 – me, Ajjie and Rehanna. (Asma’ was busy with Gigi, but she helped us so much any minute she could). I was sure we could do it. Because the year before that, we did it under dUCk – I came up with dUCk Ramadhan staycation for 300 customers in a luxury hotel.

So naturally, I told Ajjie, “It’s easy, we can do it!”

But I forgot I had a whole dUCk team supporting me then.

This time it was just me and Ajjie.

So I roped in Rehanna who worked for dUCk when I had that project, so she was familiar with it A to Z. By this time, she had left and was working on her project @shehascravings. Godsent, this woman, seriously! We love her so much.

The three of us started planning for Ramadhan Retreats on our own.

“How hard can it be?” I would always say.

Followed by tears.

Because everything that could go wrong went wrong.

Without a team, we scrambled to organise everything.

The hotel, the rooms, the food, the speakers, the logistics, the topics, the social media, the itinerary, the volunteers, the bookings, the emails, the website, the admin stuff, the sponsors, the ticket sales, the everything! We didn’t have dUCk’s database of customers anymore, so we had to start from scratch again by collecting email addresses one by one. Then Google locked us out of our email because we were sending out too many emails to the mailing list - they flagged us up as spam. We couldn’t access anything for days including customer details – we thought we had lost them forever. Emails were unanswered so we were afraid that people thought we were scammers. Our speaker permit was hanging for approval so we were afraid to sell tickets until that was clear. The company and bank account hadn’t been set up yet so we had nowhere to receive money – no way was I going to receive it to my personal account. Our website payment gateway had so many problems so we were desperate for other solutions, and this delayed our launch. When we finally launched, it was so last minute that people said they had other plans. Some vendors raised their prices so we had no choice but to agree because it was too last minute to change. And worse, deposits couldn’t be paid by me because all my accounts were frozen, so I was just going to… well, cry.

Omg guys, we could’ve given up at any time.

And every time, we kept reminding ourselves of the purpose of this all.

Forget making money, this business is not a money-making business – nice hotel packages, buffet meals per head, international speakers’ fees, flights and accommodation, and so many other payments – you would have to charge much more to profit (in which case, no one would want to pay for it) or get a big cash sponsorship each time.

But I found myself wanting to keep going and fight any obstacles that came our way. That’s when I knew that I really wanted to do this – not for business, but for dakwah. Because I truly believe in the goodness of gathering like-minded people together for the sake of self-improvement, in a guided manner. To heal, to learn and to strengthen. And the ripple effect this could have on society.

However, I also had another fear – that people wouldn’t want to associate with Vivy Yusof. What with my case still fresh at the time. Even though I pled not guilty and people who know know the truth, there was always that lingering negative thought in my head. I didn’t bother asking for sponsorship from companies because no one would want to be seen helping Vivy Yusof monetarily. And I didn’t dare promote AVA Retreats on my social media in the beginning because I was afraid of the negative perception AVA Retreats might get from me. I was angry that this was my reality – being crafted to look like a criminal to the public, when I wasn’t one.

But boy…. was I wrong.

Turns out that was all syaitan wanting to scare me away from doing good.

Clearly, God is greater than any logic.

Sooooo many people helped. Ajjie sorted out the admin and backend. Asma’ directed the logo. Rehanna managed everything. Ex-FV colleagues asked how they could help. Volunteers came left right center. Brands showed their kindness by contributing items to our goodie bags. We had 300 pax, guys, it wasn’t just a few items that they had to give. So many brands, even non-Muslim ones, said “For you, Vivy, I will do it,” and I remember crying because I just couldn’t believe the love all around us. I made a prayer that their businesses boom because I just didn’t know how to repay them. I was at my lowest, and all these people silently carried me back up with their actions. Truly, actions speak louder than words.

We started posting on social media to get the hype going.

Crickets.

Obviously because no one knew about it.

Rehanna said, “We’re not getting any engagement on socials. Do you want to repost us?”

I gulped. “I’m scared. People might cancel AVA Retreats.”

Ajjie reminded me to set my intentions right. “You’re doing this for God, not for people. Just say Bismillah and do it. Whatever happens, tawakkal.”

And so I reposted.

Zero backlash.

And then it happened.

The event was full house and it went so well, Alhamdulillah. I remember us giving each other the biggest hug at the end – half happy, the other half still in disbelief that we pulled through against all odds. The moment we got home - Rehanna fell sick, Ajjie slept the entire day (she was pregnant then!) and I was flat out exhausted. Asma’ was very worried about us.

AVA Retreats taught me so much more than I realized. I thought I was building a retreat, but really, it was building us. Building our resilience, our patience, our courage and the most important of all, our trust in God’s grace and power. It reminded me that success isn’t just about profits – success can also be measured by the hearts you touched, and the prayers whispered by strangers you may never meet again.

And for me personally, it reminded me to never listen to negative self-doubt ever again.

So here we are today, preparing your goodie bags for the next AVA Retreats. With the same nerves but calmer hearts in the right places, Insyaallah.

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Before you go…

The Girls Retreat

We just released the tickets yesterday and half has sold so far! So if you’re thinking of coming, don’t think too long - grab your girlfriends/sisters/moms/colleagues and block out this weekend to invest in yourselves.

The topics were specially curated to suit the struggles we women go through in this modern life, on top of learning for the sake of God. And oh my I cannot WAIT for you to unbox your goodie bags. It’s just SO GOOD, it’s worth thousands!

More info at @avaretreats.

Hurry get your tickets here.

And then get ready to slip into the St Regis robe and relax with your girls (me included!)

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Before you really go…

Let me know you’ve read this. Comment my favourite phrase “How hard can it be?” on my latest post at @sincerelyvivy.

See you there! :)