Free Fridays: Best two updates method.
8 August 2025
I don’t know about you, but conversations at my dining table are always chaotic.
And it’s always dominated by the extroverts. i.e. the girls in my family... i.e. Mariam, Sarah, and me.
“I was talking first!”
“You’ve talked too long. Now it’s my turn!”
“Excuse me, you just interrupted me.”
“Well, you’ve been talking for five minutes straight and no one else can talk!”
Believe it or not, that’s just between Mariam and Sarah.
Fadza looks at me all the time, with his they’re-like-this-because-of-you look. Yes, guilty. I am an extrovert, I seem to dominate conversations and now I see a mirror image in my girls. It’s umm… not demure, to say the least.
Ever since I realised that, I consciously started to analyse my conversations with my friends too. I noticed a pattern – the extroverts among us will always yap away, while the introverts listen and nod while munching away on food. When everyone goes home after that, you realise you know everything and more about the extroverts and nothing about the introverts.
I had to put a stop to this. It’s not fair that extroverts do all the talking work and introverts get to eat. 😜
So I came up with the two-updates method. Basically asking everyone around the table to give two updates of their life recently – I just added “method” after it to make it sound smart.
You should’ve seen my friends (and Fadza!) groaning with excuses when I first announced this “two-updates” activity.
“I have nothing to update.”
“It’s ok, let *insert anybody else’s name* start first.”
“I have to go to the toilet.”
But someone has to be the pushy one. So I pushed through and made everyone update each other about our lives. And I was shocked at how awesome their updates were. No one knew that one of our friends was doing a part time masters programme. No one knew that another friend is considering moving abroad. No one knew that another friend had a miscarriage. No one knew that another friend moved apartments.
(Ours is a mixed group of husbands and wives, so the whatsapp group is always funny memes instead of deep personal milestones)
There were so many “What?!” and “When?” happening after each update, as all of us truly engaged in our loved ones’ lives. And that became one of the best and most meaningful meetups we’ve ever had (to me).
It seems so simple, but it uncovered so much.
It was like watching layers being peeled off one by one, fair and square. Everyone was seen. Everyone was heard. Everyone played a part in this friendship. Not just the loud ones. And for the introverts, they felt more comfortable sharing I guess because everyone else was too. In any usual setting, they would never have shared because (a) they couldn’t get a word in or (b) no one asked them.
I guess the best conversations around a dining table is when everyone gets a turn.
And it’s the same with the kids at the dinner table too now. We go round and everyone gets to share what they want to share. No one else gets to talk when it’s not your turn.
So the next time you have a gathering of family or close friends, pay attention to who talks most – and who’s quietly left unheard. Put in a little structure and try this two-updates method. Then watch the bond between you guys grow as you learn more about one another.
One table.
Two updates each.
Infinite connection.
Before you go…
Let me know you’ve read this. Comment if you’re an introvert or extrovert, on my latest post at @sincerelyvivy.
See you there! :)
As an introvert, ngl I’d be nervous if my circle of friends started doing this. Lol. On the other hand, they say every introvert has an extroverted best friend & vice versa; cause you know, someone needs to talk and someone needs to listen. And we introverts? We’re extremely good at listening 😆 Cause erm… what we actually do is, well, just listen?! 🤭
I just love love how you can start something like this; giving introverts a chance to share their experiences too. It also means they already feel comfortable with your circle, so they can talk freely. If not, urm they probably won’t share. And introverts usually love deep talks, so sometimes you’ll find they’re actually really good at talking, and you’ll wonder why they hid that talent before 🤭 It’s such a nice feeling when you give them space to speak, because they feel calmer and more at ease to voice out their thoughts.
Anyway, thanks for sharing some life lessons with us! 🫶🏻 It’s so nice seeing you adapting to your new private life. May Allah ease everything for you, Vivy 🤍 (or kak Vivy? Lol jk 🤪)
As an introvert, I approve and this was actually nice. As long as everyone else goes first 😂 it’s a very thoughtful way to make sure everyone gets a turn to talk or share something we wouldn’t usually share if we weren’t nudged to do so.